


Class #78 Group Chat, AKA Makoto Naegi's Biggest Regret

by SONlANEVERMlND



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, DRAT references because i love DRAT, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Multi, Naegami, Naegiri - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Humor, Sexual Jokes, Swearing, Taka and Mondo will love each other, also junko and mukuro are somewhat normal people, briefly features ocs and dr2 character(s), chihiro is a precious bean and everybody's favourite, eventually, except hifumi cause fuck that guy, honestly i think chileon is p cute so i might make that a thing but idk, ishimondo - Freeform, junko has no chill, leon's just here to have a good time, maybe hiro/leon will become a thing cause i'm warming up to that but idk, mukuro is a savage, naegiri and naegami are only implied and kinda joked about though, no tragedy here mdudes, nobody likes hifumi, pretty much everyone is done with everyone's shit, sakura is a sweetheart, sakuraoi - Freeform, seriously i'll take any excuse i can to write hifumi out of this fanfic, so much gay, taka is my favourite character and ishimondo is my favourite ship, that probably shows here, they all love each other really though, this is so unoriginal i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-12-22 15:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11970477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SONlANEVERMlND/pseuds/SONlANEVERMlND
Summary: A few weeks after starting school at Hope's Peak Academy, Makoto Naegi decides to create a group chat for his classmates in the hope that they'll get to know each other better. Absolutely nobody is pleased with this, but they go along with it anyway; after all, everybody needs a place to shitpost and be gay, right?





	1. YOU'VE ANGERED THE EGG

**Author's Note:**

> I WISH I HAD BEEN ABLE TO POST THIS FOR TAKA'S BIRTHDAY
> 
> HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY, SON
> 
> I LOVE YOU
> 
> Also hi, have fun reading this!!!!

**Chat Log Names**

 

**Makoto Naegi:** Naeggi

**Byakuya Togami:** Cactus

**Mondo Owada:** Corncob

**Sakura Ogami:** Beefcake

**Aoi Asahina:** Donuts

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Sherlock

**Toko Fukawa:** Toko

**Hifumi Yamada:** Milady

**Chihiro Fujisaki:** Cheerio

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Eyebrows

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Soldiah girl

**Junko Enoshima:** Trash

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** 420

**Leon Kuwata:** Fireball

**Sayaka Maizono:** Smurfette

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Hellspawn

 

**Class #78 group chat**

 

_Cactus has joined_

_Corncob has joined_

_Beefcake has joined_

_Donuts has joined_

_Sherlock has joined_

_Toko has joined_

_Milady has joined_

_Cheerio has joined_

_Eyebrows has joined_

_Soldiah girl has joined_

_Trash has joined_

_420 has joined_

_Fireball has joined_

_Smurfette has joined_

_Hellspawn has joined_

 

**Naeggi:** Hey everyone :D I decided to make a group chat so we could all get to know each other better.

**Hellspawn:** … y

**Hellspawn:** Are you fucking serious Makoto

**Hellspawn:** I hate you

**Naeggi:** luv you too Celes <3

**Cactus:** My nickname had better not be anything stupid, Naegi. I’m warning you.

**Cactus:** …?

**Cactus:** I don’t get it.

**Naeggi:** It’s cause you’re such a fucking prick

**Donuts:** GASP

**Donuts:** HE DID NOT JUST

**Corncob:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP

**Corncob:** hey wait a minute

**Donuts:** lol nice one Makoto

**Donuts:** I’m actually eating donuts rn

**Donuts:** *nom*

**Cactus:** …

 

_Cactus has left the chat_

_Naeggi added Cactus to the chat_

 

**Naeggi:** You’re not escaping that easily m8

**Cactus:** I hate you so much.

**Hellspawn:** Ok Makoto just for that sick burn you gave Togami I forgive you for my name

**Eyebrows:** THAT WASN’T VERY NICE MAKOTO

**Eyebrows:** I MEAN IT’S TRUE

**Eyebrows:** BUT YOU SHOULD BE KINDER TO YOUR CLASSMATES

**Naeggi:** Oh hey, Taka

**Naeggi:** Do you like your nickname?

**Eyebrows:** IT’S CERTAINLY APPROPRIATE

**Eyebrows:** MY MOTHER SAYS I WAS BORN WITH THIS FROWN

**Naeggi:** I’m surprised nobody else has reacted to what I said to Byakuya :( why does nobody appreciate me

**Corncob:** OK I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO I COULDN’T YELL AT YOU FOR MY NAME BUT NOW I’M BACK

**Corncob:** FUCK YOU

**Corncob:** MY HAIR DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A FUCKIGN CORNCOB

**Corncob:** *FUKCING

**Corncob:** GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

**Eyebrows:** THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A SCHOOL-BASED GROUP CHAT, MONDO!

**Corncob:** GO TO HELL KIYOTAKA

**Soldiah girl:** Why are you asking him to go to Celeste’s house?

**Hellspawn:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**Soldiah girl:** Your nicknaming skills suck, Makoto

**Naeggi:** :(

**Soldiah girl:** But I’m still proud of you for Byakuya’s

**Naeggi:** :D

**Trash:** ok let’s just get this over with, what the hell did you name me?

**Trash:** …

**Trash:** e

**Trash:** excuse me

**Trash:** EXPLAIN PLEASE

**Naeggi:** IT’S A PUN ON JUNKO

**Naeggi:** YOU KNOW

**Naeggi:** JUNK=TRASH

**Naeggi:** PLEASE DON’T SEND MUKURO TO KILL ME

**Trash:** boi if i wanted you dead i could do it myself, believe me

**Naeggi:** :(

**Donuts:** hey don’t be mean to him

**Soldiah girl:** yeah aoi’s right

**Soldiah girl:** after all he certainly picked one that matches your personality

**Corncob:** OHHHHHHHHH SHIT MAN

**Corncob:** YOU GUYS ARE ON FIRE TODAY

**Soldiah girl:** *bows*

**Trash:** MUKURO IKUSABA I AM DISOWNING YOU AND I’M GONNA TELL MOM YOU’RE BEING MEAN TO ME

**Soldiah girl:** GASP

**Soldiah girl:** NO DON’T TELL MOM PLEASE MY ALLOWANCE IS SMALL ENOUGH AS IT IS

**Trash:** >:)

**Corncob:** hey where’d kiyotaka go

**Corncob:** he stopped replying after i yelled at him

**Donuts:** you probably made him cry you monster

**Corncob:** that sob’s always crying

**Corncob:** … geddit?

**Corncob:** sob as in crying and SOB as in son of a bitch

**Cactus:** Makoto, please remove him from this chat

**Naeggi:** Not your slave Togami

**Cactus:** Oh we’ll see about that

**Corncob:** fuck you guys

**Corncob:** well shit, i should probably go check on the bastard

**Corncob:** brb bitches

**Donuts:** gay

**Beefcake:** Hina no

**Donuts:** HINA YES

**Beefcake:** pffffffft

**Beefcake:** Well, my nickname is certainly appropriate, at least.

**Naeggi:** :D

**Naeggi:** ngl sakura, i was worried that you would punch me into the next dimension once you saw it

**Beefcake:** Nonsense. I may be stoic, but I have a sense of humour.

**Soldiah girl:** hey sakura can you please adopt me

**Soldiah girl:** you’re so cool

**Trash:** and me

**Soldiah girl:** NO NOT YOU

**Soldiah girl:** BEING YOUR SISTER JUST ONCE WAS ENOUGH

**Trash:** ;-; mukuro y do u not love me

**Soldiah girl:** do you want a list or

**Fireball:** damn mukuro, i had no idea you were such a savage

**Fireball:** SNORT

**Fireball:** nice one Makoto

**Naeggi:** thanks ginger xx

**Fireball:** blockt

**Naeggi:** ;-;

**Corncob:** ok i’m back

**Eyebrows:** AS AM I!

**Donuts:** were you crying?

**Eyebrows:** … NO.

**Corncob:** yes he was

**Corncob:** it was awful

**Corncob:** i had to hug him to make him stop

**Eyebrows:** LIES

**Eyebrows:** LIES AND SLANDER

**Naeggi:** awwwwww  <3

**Donuts:** I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WAS GAY

**Corncob:** Hina i’ve known the guy for like two weeks calm tf down

**Eyebrows:** I HAVE VERY MANY REGRETS ABOUT THIS CHAT

**Eyebrows:** AND I WAS NOT CRYING

**Eyebrows:** ...MUCH.

**Corncob:** i have to admit, you may be a total hardass, but you give good hugs, kiyotaka.

**Eyebrows:** … THANK YOU.

**Eyebrows:** YOU TOO, MONDO.

**Hellspawn:** oh my god just get a fucking room

**Eyebrows:** cELESTIA

**Eyebrows:** THIS IS A SCHOOL

**Cactus:** No, she’s right.

**Hellspawn:** why are you agreeing with me

**Hellspawn:** i hate you

**Hellspawn:** stop that

**Naeggi:** STOP FIGHTING IN MY CHAT  >:(

**Fireball:** YOU’VE ANGERED THE EGG

**Fireball:** watch out Togami he’s coming for your butt

**Naeggi:** leon why

**Naeggi:** why would you phrase it that way

**Fireball:** because i can~

**Smurfette:** WHAT THE FUCK GUYS I TAKE A SHOWER FOR TEN MINUTES AND MY PHONE IS NEARLY DEAD WITH ALL THE NOTIFICATIONS

**Smurfette:** …

**Smurfette:** Makoto. Why.

**Naeggi:** cuz ur blue

**Smurfette:** fair enough

**Fireball:** ok i think sayaka’s is the best one so far

**Beefcake:** Did you see Byakuya’s?

**Fireball:** ??? No

**Beefcake:** Scroll up to the top of the chat

**Fireball:** ok

**Fireball:** …

**Fireball:** brb dying

**Cactus:** *deep sigh*

**Cactus:** I suppose that leaving this chat is futile?

**Naeggi:** yup  >:3

**Cactus:** It’s decided. Makoto, I hate you the most.

**Naeggi:** oh no, shsl prick Byakuya Togami hates me, whatever shall i do

**Corncob:** srsly, wtf does “the ultimate affluent progeny” even mean

**Smurfette:** sounds like togami’s talent is literally that he was born

**Smurfette:** wow i’m in awe of him

**Donuts:** wow everybody’s a sassmaster today

**Donuts:** i’m impressed

**Naeggi:** we roasted togami so hard he went offline

**Fireball:** rip in rip togami, you won’t be missed

**Sherlock:** Togami’s gone? Perfect time to make my entrance

**Sherlock:** what’s up shitlords

**Naeggi:** finally. hey, kyoko

**Naeggi:** Like your nickname?

**Sherlock:** Well

**Sherlock:** it fits, at least

**Corncob:** Naegg is watson

**Fireball:** YEEEE

**Fireball:** omg imagine a cop show with makoto and kyoko

**Donuts:** with Makoto as the good cop and Kyoko as the bad cop?

**Naeggi:** I approve

**Naeggi:** whaddya say, kyoko?

**Sherlock:** fuck it, i’m in

**Naeggi:** <3

**Eyebrows:** IS THIS FLIRTING???

**Eyebrows:** I DEMAND YOU STOP BEING HETEROSEXUAL THIS INSTANT

**Corncob:** K I Y O T A K A

**Fireball:** i’m pissing

**Fireball:** “ARE YOU BEING HETEROSEXUAL??? REALLY??? RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD????”

**Eyebrows:** IS THAT A MEME??? YOU KNOW I HATE MEMES!

**Naeggi:** i’m bisexual you fool

**Sherlock:** yeah idk what i am but i’m not straight

**Eyebrows:** OH, I’M SO SORRY! I SHOULDN’T HAVE ASSUMED!

**Corncob:** jesus christ kiyotaka i had no idea you were such a savage

**Hellspawn:** i left to grab a snack and came back right when i saw that and i spat orange juice all over my phone

**Hellspawn:** thanks ishi

**Eyebrows:** YOU’RE WELCOME, CELESTE!

**Donuts:** congrats, taka

**Donuts:** i think you’re the first person in the world that’s ever made sakura ogami fall off her bed laughing

**Beefcake:** Can you blame me?

**Milady:** Oh? And what exactly is it that you’re doing in Miss Ogami’s bedroom, Miss Asahina?

**Smurfette:** ugh, it’s you. leave them alone, yamada.

**Donuts:** nah it’s ok sayaka, i’ll tell him

**Donuts:** i’m making out with my girlfriend

**Donuts:** duh

**Hellspawn:** wait what

**Naeggi:** OMG

**Fireball:** YOU 2 ARE DATING???

**Beefcake:** Yes, we made it official earlier today. I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but Hina and I just have a sort of connection I’ve never felt with anyone before. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

**Donuts:** Awwww babe <3 I feel the same way.

**Smurfette:** You two are so cute oh my god is it even legal to be this adorable

**Corncob:** congrats, you guys!

**Eyebrows:** Yes, I do believe that you two make a perfect match!

**Corncob:** oh hey taka’s finally figured out how to turn off caps lock

**Eyebrows:** Stop bullying me!

**Naeggi:** hey someone get the others to come back online so they can celebrate the gay with us

**Milady:** This gives me an idea for a fanfic...

**Donuts:** hifumi i swear to god if you ruin this moment for me and sakura i’m dragging you out of your room and tossing you out a fifth floor window

**Milady:** ;-;

**Milady:** Mr Naegi, I harshly object to my nickname!

**Naeggi:** you’re a literal fedora with arms, hifumi

**Naeggi:** you don’t have to wear a fedora to be one with the fedora

**420:** hey guys what’s up

**Fireball:** finally

**Fireball:** wtf took you so long hagakure

**420:** i was studying

**Smurfette:** ok now tell us the real reason you were gone for so long

**420:** I just told you!

**Eyebrows:** Lying isn’t nice, Yasuhiro!

**420:** i’m not lying

**420:** how dare

**Donuts:** hiro…

**420:** …

**420:** ok fine i wasn’t studying

**420:** but i can’t tell you what i was actually doing because kiyotaka’s in this chat

**Eyebrows:** EXCUSE ME?

**Eyebrows:** I DEMAND THAT YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT AT ONCE!

**420:** no

**Eyebrows:** … Please?

**Naeggi:** hey hiro, what do you think of your nickname?

**420:** 0/10 for creativity

**420:** but still nice

**Naeggi:** :D

**Hellspawn:** ok so who hasn’t come online at all so far?

**Naeggi:** just chihiro and toko

**Donuts:** ok it’s pretty understandable that toko’s ignoring us but why chihiro? is she busy?

**Beefcake:** I’m not quite sure. Perhaps she’s simply too shy to feel comfortable joining the conversation?

**Smurfette:** hey chihiro, if you’re reading this we love you  <3 don’t feel weird about joining in, we’re all friends here

**Fireball:** except togami

**Fireball:** but i don’t think he’s ever coming back

**420:** wait why not

**Naeggi:** long story

**420:** a longer story than my hair???

**Fireball:** ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Hellspawn:** Boooooooooooooooooo

**420:** leave me alone ludenburger

**Hellspawn:** THAT IS NOT MY NAME AND YOU KNOW IT

**Cheerio:** Um...hey everyone!

**Naeggi:** Hi Chihiro!

**Corncob:** Good to hear from you, kid!

**Fireball:** WE LOVE YOU FUJISAKI YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BEAN

**Cheerio:** awww you guys <3

**Naeggi:** so what do you think of your name, Chihiro?

**Cheerio:** its adorable, thank you makoto :)

**Naeggi:** just like the person i gave it to ;33

**Cheerio:** *blushes deeply*

**Smurfette:** look at egg-boy, flirting with all the cute girls

**Cheerio:** you think i’m cute?

**Eyebrows:** Anyone who’s ever seen you knows for a fact that you are cute, Chihiro!

**Cheerio:** *squees*

**Cheerio:** i’m blushing so hard rn thank you all so much  <33

**Sherlock:** guys i know she’s adorable but if you keep flirting with her she’s literally gonna explode

**Eyebrows:** DON’T MAKE HER EXPLODE!!!!!!! THAT WOULD BE VERY BAD!!!!!!!! I LIKE IT WHEN MY CLASSMATES ARE NOT BLOWN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Corncob:** she didn’t mean that literally, dude…..

**Eyebrows:** I KNEW THAT!!!

**Corncob:** yeah, sure ya did.

**Naeggi:** ANYWAY

**Naeggi:** that’s everybody now, right?

**Toko:** No, it’s not everybody! But I’m not at all surprised that you’d all forget about someone like me…

**Naeggi:** Oh, hey Toko! Sorry about that … don’t beat yourself up over it.

**Toko:** Wait

**Toko:** how come I don’t have a nickname???

**Naeggi:** toko, i’ve only known you for a few weeks and you literally never speak to me. cut me some slack.

**Naeggi:** i’ll give you a nickname if i can think of one, ok? once we’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.

**Toko:** ……….

**Toko:** OK.

**Naeggi:** :D

**Eyebrows:** GOOD LORD, LOOK AT THE TIME! IT’S NEARLY MIDNIGHT! BEDTIME, ALL OF YOU! WE HAVE SCHOOL IN THE MORNING!

**Donuts:** aw c’mon, taka, don’t be a buzzkill.

**Eyebrows:** WE HAVE CLASSES AT SEVEN-THIRTY! YOU’LL THANK ME IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU AREN’T ALL DROPPING WITH EXHAUSTION!

**Eyebrows:** Goodnight!!!!!!

 


	2. Methinks that Mondo's gaydar is broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kazuichi Soda asks out a lesbian and Taka doesn't know what body pillows are and shouldn't have asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 1000 years, he finally updates ... anyway, I'm actually not very proud of this. If it sucks let me know and I'll see what I can do to make it not suck. Hopefully the next update won't be too far from now and it'll be a little better than this!

**Smurfette:** OMFG IS ANYONE ELSE ONLINE

**Smurfette:** GUYS GET ONLINE RIGHT NOW I JUST SAW THE MOST EPIC FAIL OF ALL TIME AND I *NEED* TO SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE

**Smurfette:** PLS EVERYONE THIS IS IMPORTANT

**Eyebrows:** What is it, Sayaka???

**Smurfette:** TAKA THANK GOD YOU’RE HERE 

**Smurfette:** where’s everyone else though??? i need more of an audience!!!

**Fireball:** Never fear, Leon is here

**Hellspawn:** And me~

**Cactus:** This had better be as important as you claim it is, Maizono. I have better things to do than listen to the deranged squealings of a teenage girl.

**Naeggi:** yeah no you don’t

**Naeggi:** tell us what happened lad

**Smurfette:** ok if you’re here but just lurking then pls send a message so i know you’re still here anyway!!!

**Cheerio:** I’m online!!!

**Toko:** Me too … not like you care.

**420:** sup

**Corncob:** honestly kinda hyped for this story

**Beefcake:** Hina lost her phone charger so we’ll both be using my account for now, but we’re both here.

**Soldiah girl:** i’m online too

**Trash:** so am i!!!

**Soldiah girl:** yeah nobody cares about you

**Trash:** >:(

**Sherlock:** OK, we’re all here now. Tell us what happened, Sayaka.

**Smurfette:** hifumi’s not online yet though?

**Sherlock:** I said, “we’re all here now”.

**Fireball:** besides, i know for a fact that he got a new anime girl body pillow in the mail today so we probably won’t see him again for a while.

**Eyebrows:** What’s a body pillow?

**Corncob:** …

**Corncob:** check ur dms

**Naeggi:** TAKA DON’T LISTEN TO HIM

**Smurfette:** *cough cough*

**Naeggi:** sorry sayaka

**Naeggi:** tell us your story!!!

**Smurfette:** ok so

**Eyebrows:** EW WHAT THE HELL

**Smurfette:** oh my fucking god

**Eyebrows:** MONDO WHAT IN GOD’S NAME DID YOU JUST SHOW ME

**Corncob:** something beautiful

 

_ Smurfette has left the chat _

_ Naeggi added Sayaka Maizono to the chat _

_ Naeggi changed Sayaka Maizono’s nickname to Smurfette _

 

**Fireball:** drama queen

**Smurfette:** I JUST WANNA TELL MY DAMN STORY OK

**Corncob:** TAKA GAVE ME DETENTION FOR SHOWING HIM WHAT BODY PILLOWS ARE

**Corncob:** I’M LOSING MY SHIT

**Eyebrows:** IT’S WHAT YOU DESERVE! YOU FREAKING WEIRDO!

**Corncob:** WORTH IT

**Corncob:** ok sayaka you can tell your story now

**Smurfette:** it’s about damn time

**Smurfette:** ok so do you guys know kazuichi soda? from class 77?

**Beefcake:** Pink hair? Always hanging around with Princess Sonia and that strange man with the hamsters?

**Fireball:** I call him Sharkboy

**Corncob:** nice

**Toko:** I want to get a hickey from him. Not because I’m attracted to him but because it would kill me instantly.

**Hellspawn:** Jesus christ Toko

**Soldiah girl:** big mood

**Cheerio:** what about him, sayaka?

**Smurfette:** This, my friends, is the tragic tale of how Kazuichi Soda asked out a lesbian.

**Naeggi:** OH

**Naeggi:** MY

**Naeggi:** GOD

**Trash:** ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

**Trash:** HOLY SHIT THAT’S HILARIOUS

**Smurfette:** YUP

**Fireball:** that sounds like exactly the kind of thing he’d do

**Fireball:** for a guy named soda he’s extremely fucking thirsty

**Soldiah girl:** which lesbian is it? this school has like a billion of ‘em

**Smurfette:** idk if you know her but she’s in class 76

**Smurfette:** her name’s ayano matsui

**Hellspawn:** the painter?

**Beefcake:** (this is hina) isn’t she that tiny blonde girl who always seems really really nervous?

**Cheerio:** oh no ;~;

**Cactus:** Did you seriously drag me online just to tell us about that brainless mechanic asking someone out and getting rejected?

**Cactus:** Don’t you think we all have better things to do?

**Trash:** literally nobody asked for your opinion togami

**Sherlock:** Don’t listen to him, Sayaka. I, for one, am intrigued to hear this story in full detail. Because I am so fucking bored right now.

**Smurfette:** ok so, i was leaving music class after the bell rang to meet you guys for our lunch period, right? but on my way down to the ground floor i got bumped into by kazuichi.

**420:** r00d

**Smurfette:** he just kinda runs by me without really apologising, he seemed to be in a really big hurry so i didn’t mind that much.

**Smurfette:** and just then some of the class 76 students come out of the bio lab, including ayano. poor girl’s just minding her own business when dr pepper zeroes in on her. he hasn’t even said anything yet and she already looks scared.

**Cheerio:** i guess he is a little scary … i mean, nobody could see those teeth and not get worried, right?

**Eyebrows:** What did he say to her? I hope it wasn’t anything inappropriate!

**Smurfette:** no, it wasn’t anything like that, don’t worry. if it wasn’t such an awkward situation it might’ve even been kinda cute … he just kinda looked at her and blushed really bright pink, and then he asked her if she wanted to go out with him some time.

**Soldiah girl:** oh good god

**Hellspawn:** that poor boy … and that poor girl too. how did she respond?

**Smurfette:** it was so fucking painful. like, it was obvious she had NO IDEA how to respond.

**Smurfette:** so she just kinda……...stared at him……...and kept going “uhhhhhhhhh ummmmmmmmmm uhhhhhhhhhhhh”

**Smurfette:** while kazuichi is staring right back at her waiting for some kind of answer

**Corncob:** that sounds physically painful to watch

**Trash:** how are you even alive right now??? that kind of secondhand embarassment should have killed a tiny girl like you instantly

**Smurfette:** it was like watching a car accident

**Smurfette:** it was horrible and tragic but i just couldn’t look away

**Smurfette:** and by this time a fucking crowd has formed

**Smurfette:** with people pointing and giggling while ayano just gets visibly more and more uncomfortable and kazuichi looks even more embarrassed

**Smurfette:** and i guess at this point diet coke finally notices the fucking lesbian symbol she’s got hanging around her neck because he does a double take and then fucking yelps like someone just stood on his foot

**Smurfette:** “OHMYGODI’MSOSORRYIDIDN’TKNOWYOUWEREA-”

**Smurfette:** and then guess who walks up to them? ayano’s girlfriend.

**Beefcake:** oh no

**Eyebrows:** oh no

**Corncob:** oh no

**Naeggi:** oh no

**Fireball:** oh no

**Hellspawn:** oh no

**Sherlock:** oh no

**Toko:** oh no

**Cheerio:** oh no

**Trash:** oh no

**Cactus:** oh no

**Soldiah girl:** oh no 

**420:** shit

**Fireball:** GOD DAMMIT HIRO, WE HAD A THING AND YOU RUINED IT

**Cactus:** Who is Matsui’s girlfriend, by the way? I don’t know her.

**Smurfette:** but byakuya, i thought you didn’t care about my story? Didn’t you say you had better things to do than listen to me?

**Cactus:** … I’m invested, OK?

**Cactus:** STOP JUDGING ME

**Corncob:** ginger. tall. terrifying. could probs obliterate mr mountain dew in an instant. has a cute dog.

**Cheerio:** What did she do? Did she yell at him? Hit him? KILL him???

**Smurfette:** nope

**Smurfette:** she actually handled it like a fucking champ, this woman is my hero now

**Smurfette:** she pushes her way through the crows of assholes, puts her arm around ayano and pulls her really close, then kisses her really softly on the forehead. maybe to make her feel better or maybe to just mark her fuckin territory, idk. then she looks kazuichi - who btw looks like he’s having 7 simultaneous heart attacks - dead in the eye and says “She’s not interested”.

**Smurfette:** and then they both walk away like absolute fucking bosses.

**Hellspawn:** That was … wow. There are no words.

**Fireball:** top 10 anime deaths

**Beefcake:** (this is hina) guys i hate to ruin the mood but i just walked by ayano in the hall and she looked really distressed, i think she may have been crying ;-;

**Smurfette:** oh god

**Smurfette:** now i feel really mean

**Smurfette:** fuck, someone in this chat who’s actually a nice person, go and comfort that tiny lessbean

**Eyebrows:** I’ll do it!

**Fireball:** taka going to be nice to a fellow gay? this is true mlm/wlw solidarity

**Corncob:** wait he’s gay?

**Naeggi:** dude how did you not know that

**Trash:** I always thought it was obvious

**Cheerio:** So did I!

**Sherlock:** And me

**Toko:** i thought everyone knew that? tiktok’s not exactly subtle about it!

**420:** even i knew. ME.

**Fireball:** methinks that mondo’s gaydar is broken

**Corncob:** I’m not gay!!!!

**Sherlock:** …

**Sherlock:** i think i quote everyone else in this chat when i say; suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

**Corncob:** seriously! I’m not!

**Beefcake:** My hair is straighter than you are, Mondo.

**Soldiah girl:** i just fuckign choked on my sandwich

**Corncob:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**Corncob:** I LIKE GIRLS, OK

**Corncob:** G I R L S

**Naeggi:** yeah, me too. doesn’t mean i’m straight. i still think the best thing about togami is dem legs.

**Cactus:** Hey, leave me out of this!

**Fireball:** and besides, for a straight dude, i do seem to catch you staring at a certain hall monitor’s ass in the changing room and bath house a lot … ;)

**Corncob:** … 

**Corncob:** Fuck you.

 

_ Corncob has left the chat _

 

**Soldiah girl:** shite lads, we pissed him off *and* made him have an identity crisis

**Cheerio:** he seemed really upset … maybe don’t add him back right away.

**Naeggi:** dw, chi, i’ll give him some time to cool down. partially because i’m a nice person and partially because i don’t want him to punch me again.

**Hellspawn:** i’m surprised he didn’t take your head off, his fists are almost as big as your whole face.

**Naeggi:** yeah yeah, i’m small and scrawny and unmanly. i get it. :(

**Sherlock:** Mondo may be huge and terrifying, Makoto, but … you’re still cuter. 

**Sherlock:** ;3

**Naeggi:** …

**Naeggi:** *is ded*

**Soldiah girl:** SMOOTH AS F U C K

**Toko:** i ship it

**Naeggi:** heh … me too, toko …

**Naeggi:** <3

**Smurfette:** *is also ded because her friends are too cute*

**Cheerio:** this chat suddenly became a whole lot more adorable

**Fireball:** it’s been as adorable as it can be ever since you joined, chihiro ;3

**Cheerio:** *squees* <3333333333333333333333

**Trash:** all this flirting … way to remind me that i don’t have a bf or gf yet, guys :’(

**420:** #foreveralone

**Trash:** SHUSH

**Soldiah girl:** hey, don’t be mean to my little sister. only i’m allowed to be mean to her!

**Trash:** thanks, mukuro … i think?

**Soldiah girl:** love you, sis!

**Toko:** hey shitheels guess who i just bumped into in the kitchen

**Toko:** a certain scrawny bastard with bubblegum hair

**Fireball:** uh oh

**Toko:** he was making himself some Instant Ramen of Depression ™ and he looked like he craved death

**Cheerio:** please tell us you didn’t say anything mean to him, Toko … ;-;

**Toko:** OK, I didn’t say anything mean to him.

**Naeggi:** ok now tell us the truth

**Toko:** what? all i did was tell him that no girl will ever love him and he’ll die alone!

**Smurfette:** jesus fuck, woman, have you got no chill?

**Hellspawn:** I’m surprised, Toko. I never would have thought you’d show such cruelty to someone.

**Toko:** is it really cruelty if it’s the truth?

**Toko:** ;D

**Fireball:** seriously, toko, i think you went way too far. that’s just mean. you probably made him cry.

**Toko:** of course i made him cry. that asshole cries every time ~miss sonia~ even looks at her weird furry boyfriend.

**Naeggi:** Toko. We’re not kidding around. You’re being awful and I think you should go apologise to Kazuichi.

**Toko:** aww, you’re killing my buzz >:p but fiiiiine, if it’s really *that* important to you, then i’ll go find bubblegum and say sorry.

**Toko:** See ya!

**Soldiah girl:** holy shit, i had no idea she was so cold.

**Naeggi:** me neither…

**Naeggi:** but now i have an idea for her chat nickname.

 

_ Naeggi changed Toko’s nickname to Ice Princess _

 

**Fireball:** noice

**Cactus:** I doubt she’ll appreciate that … but then again, I don’t really care.

**Eyebrows:** Hello everyone, I’m back!

**Cheerio:** Hey, Taka! ^-^

**Naeggi:** Finally, someone who’s not an asshole.

**Smurfette:** did you talk to ayano?

**Eyebrows:** yes, i found her in the dining hall and sat with her. she seemed upset at first, but then we quickly got to talking. she’s actually really nice! she invited me to hang out with her again this weekend!

**Beefcake:** How sweet!

**Beefcake:** (this is hina) gay men being friends with lesbians is … pure and wholesome

**Eyebrows:** Oh, I just noticed Mondo left the group chat … did something happen while I was gone?

**Naeggi:** oh god

**Fireball:** ok so who wants to tell him

**Eyebrows:** Tell me what, exactly? What happened?

**Cheerio:** Well, a few of us kind of started teasing Mondo, but I think they were bothering him a lot more than they meant to be, because after a while I guess he must have gotten tired of it, because he left the chat. We didn’t add him back because we wanted to give him time to cool off.

**Eyebrows:** OK, well, that’s not so bad … why didn’t you want to tell me?

**Cheerio:** …

**Eyebrows:** Tell me!

**420:** hey anyone else in this thread smoke weed

**Naeggi:** seriously, hiro?

**420:** what??? i’m just trying to distract him!!!

**Cheerio:** No, it’s fine, I’ll tell him. 

**Cheerio:** Taka, what we were teasing Mondo over is that he kept saying he was straight and we kept saying he wasn’t, and we were just kidding around, but I think we really freaked him out and kinda made him have an identity crisis because he left the chat then and nobody’s heard from him since and that whole thing started because we were teasing him over you and we’re really really sorry please don’t be mad at us!!!

**Eyebrows:** Don’t worry. I’m not angry with any of you. But I think the ones who teased Mondo should say sorry to him.

**Fireball:** i get the feeling that that’s non-negotiable.

**Eyebrows:** Yes.

**Fireball:** on it! If I die, tell my dad I always hated baseball and make sure they bury me in my cool clothes and not a fucking suit.

**Naeggi:** godspeed, Kuwata.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that didn't suck ... if you have anything to say about it please let me know in the comments!!! If you enjoyed it also feel free to give kudos and inflate my ego!!!


End file.
